Friday, March 31, 2017

Day 31 - Finding Confidence

I read an anonymous quote earlier today that says "The worst thing you write is better than the best thing you didn't write." As difficult as it can be at times we have to remember that just the act of putting words down on paper is more important than planning forever without following through. I myself have been guilty of doing it for years. I will write something and then let it sit as a file on my computer or a pile of printed pages in need of editing but my insecurities keep me from moving forward.

I read books that are designed to improve my writing. I do hours of research and create files to keep myself organized. The one thing I seem to fail at more than anything however is actually writing. I spend all of my time preparing for the incredible thing I am going to write and then I find some reason to put it off further. On the occasions I do write I end up storing my work to look at and edit eventually.

That is what happened with Breathe. It is also the current fate of Voices In My Head, Voices 2 - Hunting Jonny, Sharing Strength, and Welcome to Syn. Every single book has been drafted, or in the case of Voices 2 almost drafted, yet they are sitting around collecting dust. I seem to focus on the "worst thing you write" part and forget about the fact I can edit to fix the issues. It has been a major struggle for me for years.

I think like many writers I battle insecurities. There is the fear that even if I do write it and try to edit I won't be able to edit enough to make it work. I will still fall short somehow. I have had that struggle in several aspects of my life yet for the most part I have overcome those fears. I lost a large amount of weight and put myself out there in the public eye in my day job. I continued to believe in my love life even after my second divorce. I became a distance cyclist and obstacle course competitor after getting several injured a little over a decade ago. All things I have done that flies in the face of those insecurities. It would have been easy to use any of those excuses to not push through and keep trying to make something of myself so why is writing such an issue?

Honestly I believe it is because whether I publish or not writing is my therapy. The thought that I might blow a tire or fall of an obstacle is hard but easy enough to recover. Worrying that I might slip on my diet and regain a little of my weight or make a mistake at my job, frustrating but able to overcome. Writing is my heart and soul. It is something that when I am hiding from the world and fighting back from one of those other things I can turn to my writing and be in a different world. it is much more difficult to consider the possibility that I would fail and ruin my happy place. I am learning to get past that though and focus on the something is better than nothing part of the quote instead.

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