It can be amazing the way life affects us. The more we need something and feel the pressure, the more difficult it becomes to make it happen. I have had two day jobs for nearly three years working to try and get ahead on some credit card and medical bills. I did manage to make strides toward the goal of getting caught up but I fell short of the goal and now still have several bills that need attention while I now have gone down to just one position.
For the sake of my health and the stress level of those around me it is for the better that I work just the one job. It also frees up a large amount of time to put towards my writing. This should be wonderful seeing as how I have five projects currently in the works. I have more time to write, edit and especially promote. Since my favorite way to do promotions is live events the extra time is a definite benefit.
Yet I also find myself putting a tremendous amount of stress on the writing side because I need to find a way to use it to make up some of the money I am losing by not working the additional job. Feeling this importance I cannot seem to concentrate. I jump from book to book. I am unable to simply settle down and complete any one thing. I have my to do list but it seems my brain has an entirely different view on the matter.
I find myself staring blankly at my computer or doing research on house projects I can't even afford because looking at my books puts me at a loss. I do chores in order to help with the restlessness but then I feel upset with myself because I should be writing. I need to find the focus and motivation I am always able to pull out each and every November for Nanowrimo. It makes me wonder if other writers are going through the vicious cycle.
Do you find yourself hiding and then punishing yourself for your own fear? Do you throw yourself into your work while neglecting your daily duties and then argue with others that rely on you for such things? How do you find a balance between real life and writer life while maintaining the motivation to be productive and successful at both?