Early this morning we packed up, loaded the car, and left Omaha, NE on our way to Chicago. There were a few frustrating moments as we loaded things as items would shift and slide, the bikes wobbled while we moved them, and our patience ran thin. We also filled up the gas tank for the highest amount we have seen so far this trip and with the MPGs continuing to decline it is difficult to see the higher amounts. I admit, I was not in the best mood as we began the last leg of the roadtrip portion of this journey.
Once on the road though, things quickly improved. After such a long and exhausting day yesterday, the miles seemed to fly by and even though the scenery was reminiscent of yesterday with endless fields of corn, it was still pretty to drive through. We stopped for gas and to top off the gas tank near the University of Iowa and then as we drove I pointed out a few other places I had seen on previous road trips through the area. We listened to music and some standup comedy as we drove but eventually conversation took over and we reflected on my dad.
My father was a wonderful but difficult man. He kept a lot to himself emotionally which made having any kind of relationship with him a struggle. He rarely discussed things he felt or thought and he was blunt when he did have something to say. When I was growing up he would tell me to "walk it off" or "suck it up" if I was injured or upset about something. He wasn't cruel, it was just his way of trying to encourage me to push through the obstacle in front of me. With the ride starting on his birthday, the anniversary of his death coming around the middle of the trip, and the fact I carry a memorial urn of his ashes with me on my bike, I can't help but hear his voice in my head. I know he would think I was crazy for trying this but I also hope he would be proud.
He never knew about my diagnosis of PTSD and while he heard bits and pieces of things, I wasn't strong enough to share my real story, what I truly went through as a teenager, until after he was gone. It is such a huge part of me but I was ashamed I had let it happen and I was never able to share that side of myself with him. I regret that.
The things I do now, writing my books, riding on this journey, and raising money for organizations that touch my heart are all for the living. I want to reach those who are here fighting this horrible disorder like me and show love and support to those left behind when someone loses that battle. But I want to make sure that I honor those lost and hope that somewhere out in the universe my dad is watching over me. I hope he is proud of me and sees how much this means as I work to "suck it up" and push through everyday.
With three days left until I start riding I have a number of things to do but I will also be taking some time to play tourist in my incredible starting city and share some experiences with my mom as a small way of saying thank you for joining me on this adventure. If you want to check out pictures and updates as we make our way you can find them on the Facebook page Ride 22 On 66 or read about the ride in more detail on my website www.writingforces.com.
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