Day 54 - Saying Goodbye

Sometimes it is a character we have grown to love that we have to kill off or the series is finished. Occasionally it is a favorite author that either becomes ill or sadly passes away. Then there are times when for one reason or another we are forced to step away from a project that was so connected to us it touched our heart and soul. I have experienced all of those but the walking away from my own passionate project is by far the most painful.

I have killed characters for many reasons depending on the book or series. Not all of them deserved to die and some it was agonizing to have to do it. It was a matter of what was needed to move the story forward and fulfill their destiny. I cried for them. I cried as I killed them and in one case I closed my computer and mourned for nearly a week because of how much it tugged at my heart.

A few years ago I saw a post online about one of my favorite authors, Sir Terry Pratchett. He had succumbed to Alzheimer's and passed away. I own his entire Discworld series and have loved his humorous satyrical style for many years. I joined together with writers and readers from around the world to mourn the loss of an icon and bring awareness to a disease that affects so many including those in our literary world.

Several weeks ago I had to make the difficult decision to step away from and hand over my animal anthology charity series Rescue Me. I started by speaking with those closest to me, my boyfriend and my mom (also my manager). They both comforted me as I agonized over the choice but ultimately I decided that walking away and letting someone else take over while I focus on hands on volunteering and local shelters was the better move for everyone. Next I contacted my other half from Rock & Roll Saved My Soul charity publishing to let her know my decision. She agreed to take over through her team so that I could step away.

The announcement was made public to the team a few days later. I have put off the last two parts which were sending the official message to the contributors and officially deleting the Facebook page I had created for the series. Today was the day I thought I had steeled my heart enough to do it. I emailed the contributors with a message of thanks and who to follow up with in the future if they wished to continue with the project. I then sat and stared at my computer for almost twenty minutes before I could confirm the deletion of the page that has meant so much to me for three years. I saved the pictures I had uploaded and finally confirmed the deletion.

This one is going to stick with me for awhile. I may have to try and hide in my fictional world for the next day or two until my head, heart and soul have a chance to come to terms with how much it hurt to say goodbye.