Monday, February 16, 2015

Staying Determined

Recently I posted on Facebook about some mixed feelings I have been enduring. I watch as everyday people are creating their visions of covers for their upcoming projects. I see the endless memes and teasers set forth by fellow authors in respect to their work. I long endlessly to be doing more cover reveals and release parties of my own yet there are things that hold me back.

First is a frustrating lack of knowledge on how to create these memes, teasers and covers. I personally have no interest in creating a cover myself as I have a very talented boyfriend and cover artist friend that both can create these for me. The teasers though I wish I know how to make them so I could promote in a more interesting way that simply plying the same text heavy posts again and again. This is one thing I feel should soon be added to my list of things to learn in order to help push my abilities to another level.

The other aspect is that I find myself lost. Not that I do not know what to write because that I feel I am quite on top of but each of my current projects has something that limits my ability to continue on. Sharing Strength is an emotional roller coaster and as more than one character is a portrayal of a particularly difficult part of my life I find myself struggling deeply to move forward very quickly. Breathe is drafted and just needs to have the end revised. This is the closest to being ready for submission and consideration but here I am held back by my own self doubt.

I am concerned that because I am still learning and my first book did not have nearly the reach I had originally hoped, though it has been well received by those that have read it, I cannot help but wonder if my next book will suffer the same fate. I wish so much to prove myself and share my work with an ever widening circle that it pains me to think I do not possess the talent and ability to do so. Welcome to Syn is drafted as well but needs a tremendous amount of work and sadly I have found that I am already introducing new levels in my head along with the list of items needing to be researched so that will be a rather extensive project once I get into it.

Chocolate Covered Cherries is a romance novel without any other genre attached. It is not something I would have ever though I would create but the idea formed and begged to be written so I internally agreed to give my characters the book they deserve. My personal lack of interest in many romance novels though seems to weigh on this project giving me an odd sense of unimportance toward it. I want to write it because it is so new for me and I think the story is actually quite interesting but I still find myself somewhat prejudiced against it and fight an internal battle whenever I open up the file.

On top of those in the works I still owe it to my debut novel Never Give Up to continue doing events and promotional work in order to keep trying to reach new readers but I have found that I was shying away from it almost as an embarrassment. Please do not understand that I am not proud of the accomplishment, I very much am. I love the characters and the reflection of so much of me in the story. It is just that I have come so far, at least I believe I have, since the publication date and I feel my excitement has moved instead to the new books.

I received a reply to my post explaining that I should not be embarrassed about my first book because without a first there can be no second of third. That everything I have learned going through the process has helped me to find a greater voice going forward and that these are things I still would not know if not for that first book. I am grateful for the comment. It seems like common sense but it is easy to fall prey to our own minds at times and allow our emotions to overrun logic. So with that said I am of course still struggling but recommitting my resolve to complete the projects before me and keep pushing for the success I have long desired.

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