I am struggling today. I have numerous projects that all are ripe and ready to be worked on. The characters are feeling chatty and coming off the book signings recently I am quite motivated to complete more of my writings.
Yet for some reason I am finding sleep elusive, health waning and focus impossible. I am plagued by a multitude of nightmares that cause me to feel not only exhausted but stressed and, in the case of one, even guilty. I understand what some of them stand for but I haven't found a way to resolve the concerns behind them.
I also have fought to overcome insecurities for years that invade my attempts to be successful. I finished Never Give Up years before it was published. I completed the word count for the writing challenge Nanowrimo and I immediately went into editing mode. Once I thought I had done a decent job rewriting I sent it off to be read and got a strong review.
That was when the fear set in. I had to put this story that I had worked so hard on out into the world and set it free to be scrutinized by strangers. I read several tips and books about getting published. I practiced query letters until I thought I had a solid hook and it wouldn't take long to get a response.
I was right that it didn't take long however the constant rejections I had prepared myself for still hurt immensely. I got discouraged but instead of stopping I sent out another round of queries. Most responded but they were all still thanks but no thanks answers to my publishing dreams. The rest simply didn't respond at all.
I did finally find an indy publisher willing to take a chance on me and have been learning a lot. I enjoy doing live events signing copies of the book and getting to hear what people think if the story. One would think that with this pushing me I would have conquered the insecurities that hold me back but it is almost the opposite. I feel pressure to continue to improve while also growing my audience. I need to make sure that I can keep growing as an artist as well.
I have allowed stresses from my everyday life to invade my writing causing the focus I usually enjoy to become muddled and chaotic. I am hoping to find harmony within my writing and personal life soon so I can get back to pursuing my dreams.