I have been doing a lot of soul searching recently working on Sharing Strength. I wrote a letter recently to Rachel the young girl that will be moving the story along and showing everything that she has. The most difficult part is working up to her biggest moment. While she is based on me in many ways it is important to note that one of the largest things I survived in my life is abusive relationships.
I was involved with an extremely psychologically abusive boy while I was in high school. He made me believe I was nothing without him and that the only thing that made me worthwhile at all was the fact that he took time to care about me. We broke up finally after a series of fights that took the emotional torture to a new physical level.
I have scars that live on as a reminder that I survived but it was that relationship that was the original situation that led to my diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder. Jasmine is the representative of that part of my life. She is a fighter and a survivor but she is also very protective of Rachel. She finds herself and gives her life a sort of purpose in the big sister role.
While dealing Rachel and her pain, struggling with her entire situation I have been dealing with my own concerns. What I did not consider is that it will be nearly unbearable for Jasmine. For those not familiar with writers and our character relationships, you may not know that they are simultaneously a representative of us on the paper as well as a real living breathing entity all on their own.
I am going to have to take some time with her. She is mad at me and I can feel it. She is stalling my ability to get through this terrible scene but I must press on. I know we can both handle it but I promise to give her the time she needs and won't push her any further than I have to.