More Fun With Friends

 Last weekend the annual Tour de Palm Springs took place in California. The picture shows the two guys I travelled with and me in the front but in the background you can see just a small portion of the riders who took to the course with us. The event was to raise money and say thank you to first responders and veterans. We all came together to take on a variety of distances and see the incredible scenery. 

In just over seven months I will leaving for the longest bike ride and most amazing adventure of my life. While covering the miles of Route 66 I will be the only rider but as I train I love to have my friends join me. From riding through Red Rock Canyon to checking out Lake Mead while riding the River Mountain Loop Trail, we explore together any time we can. It is a blast to stop and take pictures, chat through the miles and encourage each other up hill climbs and through difficult stretches. Having that support can be the difference when taking on a challenge like some of the longer distances we have been riding lately.

Support is everything. While completing Ride 22 On 66 I will technically be riding alone. But in a much larger sense I won't be alone at all. I am the only cyclist doing the actual riding but I have my chase driver, my wonderful mom, who will be out there with me. She will not only drive the car with my extra food, gear, and bikes, but she will be my constant companion when the miles add up and the days start to wear on my body and mind. There is a joy to being on my bike but the distances I have to travel each day in order to cover the complete course in just twenty two days is daunting to say the least. Having her there will be a needed boost on many days I'm sure.

There is also an incredible team working with me from across the country to make this happen. From my author friends helping promote the books that inspired the ride, to cyclists I've met along the different training routes I cover, to the friends helping with marketing and PR to get the word out about the fundraiser to help the charities so near and dear to my heart; I have so many friends that have stepped up to be a part of this I know I am not even close to being alone. 

And that is a big part of the symbolism with the ride. So many times when we feel overwhelmed, our anxiety gets too strong, or we are breaking down, we feel like no one will understand us and we are stranded all alone to deal with things. I felt that way after my PTSD diagnosis years ago and I still get panic attacks that can make me feel isolated. But in my heart I know, even if I can't see them all the time, there are people with me. I am never alone. I am riding for those like me. The ones who feel alone, abandoned, afraid, and without hope. Those that feel like they are falling apart and there is no path forward. I see you. I hear your cries and feel your heartbreak. I know it can seem dark in the tunnel but if you can't see the bigger light at the end of it at least look for the lights of my bike. I am riding for you and I will always have my lights shining bright to show you there is someone who cares, even in the dark.

For more information, please visit. https://www.writingforces.com/ride-22-on-66

Prepping For Palm Springs

 With my adventure coming up in just months now, I am working on training. I exercise almost everyday and try to take part in rides when available in order to see how my current equipment is working, any adjustments that need to be made, and additional training to put into the regiment.

This weekend I will be in Palm Springs, CA taking part in Tour de Palm Springs. It looks to be a beautiful ride with only a couple of challenging climbs. I am looking forward to it and am excited a couple members of my team will be there to share the ride. Depending on the course and terrain, any distance has the possibility of being a challenge. While my last ride I did a century (100+ miles) this time I will only be doing the 51 mile course. There are time constraints this time I need to take into consideration. 

One thing I have noticed to be a challenge for training is the weather, or lack of it, in my lovely Las Vegas.  Ride 22 On 66 will take place over the course of 22 days and will take me from Chicago to Santa Monica. There is a vast variety of terrain, weather, and riding conditions I will face and finding a way to train for that is difficult. For one thing, the dessert doesn't have a lot of humidity, or bugs. People laugh at me when I bring up the second part, but for me it is the bigger issue. I have been away from mosquitoes and most other insects for years now. I am not used to them buzzing in my ears and flying around my face which can be extremely distracting. I am hoping in the next couple months to make some trips up to Utah and find more humidity and hopefully areas with bugs to give me a chance to practice with them.

Winds are another concern. I intend to ride unless the wind speed reaches a dangerous level (30mph sustained, or 50mph gusts). These winds are not common out here. We get 15-20mph days and I try to get out on the bike when we do but they are hard to predict. 

Along with having a rough time practicing in strong winds, it is understandably frustrating to find driving rain to ride in. Even on the rare occasions we do experience precipitation, it is usually light and extremely short lived. I don't have to deal with flooded gutters, water lashing at my face, or riding while soaked to the bone. However, the midwest states especially, and most of the eastern has of the route in general, are locations where any and all of these conditions could come into play. 

So as I increase my resistance on my indoor bike, and take to the streets for practice on the few conditions I can duplicate, I am always looking for ways to take it to the next level and make sure when the time comes I am ready. For now, it is time to load up. Palm Springs, here we come.

Ride 22 On 66

It has been a long time since I sat down to write anything here. Like most I struggled during the shut down. The time away from a job I love was frustrating, the time separated from friends and family was devastating. So many people fought anxiety, depression, and fear as they made their way through the trials of 2020 and even last year in 2021. I was no different.

I am fortunate enough to have close friends and a loving family that have stood by my side through the rough times and they can all tell you how hard it was to make it this far. One of the things that kept me focused and moving forward was my book series, Sharing Strength. From the beginning of the shut down up until last September I have worked diligently to finish the last three books in the series. Crash came first, released May 6th 2020. That was followed by Combat, released on February 27th, 2021. And finally Sharing Strength was published on August 8th, 2021 and we held the official launch party September 18th kicking off the countdown to what will be the adventure of a lifetime, Ride 22 On 66.

All five of the books in the series; Survivor, Fish, Crash, Combat, and Sharing Strength have charities connected to them. 

Survivor - National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Fish - RAINN - Rape Abuse Incest National Network

Crash - The Code Green Campaign

Combat - Mission 22

Sharing Strength - National Suicide Prevention Hotline

I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 22 years old and over the past 9.5 years I have discovered cycling as a wonderful therapy when I am stressed and I designed a way to use this to try and help these organizations that do so much for people like me. 

On September 22nd of this year I will be riding from Chicago, IL to Santa Monica, CA along Route 66 over the course of 22 days. I am riding for those who are struggling, those like me who feel they are alone sometimes and need to know they're not. I will be raising money through a GoFundMe page and the total raised will be divided equally between the 5 charities. I will chronicle my training and ride adventures here as well as through the Facebook page created for the event. I also have a page on my website I will be updating throughout the journey. I hope you will follow along as this adventure gets closer and if you would like more information I will have charity information on my website.

www.writingforces.com

 

Dealing With Doubt

One of the most frustrating things for many writers I know is the overwhelming sense of insecurity they have about their own work. They are the epitome of the statement one's own worst critic. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to focus, put words down on paper (or screen), and write a story beginning to end. The self doubt and nagging suspicion nothing is going to be good enough can be paralyzing. It has been a large part of why each of my books has taken so long to be published.

Never Give Up was written over the course of eight years. The first chapter was written in a single day but then nothing happened for a year and a half as I was gripped with a stomach churning fear of rejection. I picked at the manuscript for years until I dedicated myself to Nanowrimo one year and pushed through to the end. It still took me another two and a half years before it went to publish however. Between editing, allowing a beta reader to see it (yikes!), and submitting to agents I was woefully ill prepared for, it was a long process. Then I had to fight that little voice inside that said to run and hide at every new turn. My heart would race, my palms were sweating, and my stomach was in knots no matter what step I was on. The day I hit publish I cried happy tears while chugging Pepto.

When that book was done I faced another major fear. What if that was the only story I ever came up with? How was I supposed to be an author if everything I had went into just one book? Once again my fear was staggering. Later that year I was hit with inspiration for what would become the second book I would write but seventh I would publish. In fact, to date I have only published four. The fifth is with my editor, the sixth is being written even now, and the seventh will be released next year at a specially planned event.

Publishing Never Give Up was extremely important to me. It was the culmination of years of work and proved I had the ability to face my fears. It was still a long time before I felt I could do it again though. The second book I published was Survivor. This book was even worse when it came to doubt and, at one point, self destructive coping methods. Telling such a personal story was mortifying and something I attempted to back out of several times. Ultimately it was the belief that what I was sharing was more important than my fears that pushed me through. Fish, Crash, Combat, and eventually Sharing Strength all have that same belief behind them. These are stories I needed to write.

I have yet another project, somewhat writing related, that is currently taking about 70% of my time and nearly all of my concentration. It is at a level of second guessing, doubting, and nerves that I feel like I am dead in the water. I am fortunate that I have a strong team around me to keep me going. When it comes to handling the doubt in my life I turn to them and ask myself if not moving forward will bring more regret than my current fear. How do you deal with doubt?

Learning Something New

The past couple days have been about watching shows and movies about military missions, particularly in the Middle East. The next book in the series is called Combat and centers around deployed Army soldiers serving in Afghanistan. The first three books so far have covered issues such as domestic abuse, sexual assault / bullying, and survivor's guilt. Sadly because of my experiences there was no reason to look deeper or further research on any of those subjects. I know all of them well.

I have never felt the sting of a bullet grazing my skin, or worse, punching a hole through my body. I've never attempted to keep my wits about me in the middle of chaos like a firefight. There hasn't been a time I've been given orders that would put my life or the lives of others I'm responsible for in danger and been required to obey anyway. On top of those I haven't felt the heat of the Arabian desert or the wind burying sand in my pores. I have no idea what vehicles the military drives or what may have been modified by the enemy. The types of weapons used on both sides are unfamiliar as are the rankings of the U.S. Army. 

I chose these shows and movies because they give me a sense of what buildings look like and how the members of a team may communicate with one another. I can get an idea of complications that may arise during a mission I would never have thought of without the research. These shows also use language from military sources. 

There are always going to be things I have to create in a book but I want to make sure the story is as authentic as I have the ability to make it. The relationship between the soldiers will be no problem and the feeling behind the situations are something I can relate to, it is the navigating through the streets and military actions I would struggle to recreate. These are the reasons I am watching the shows and movies. I know so many people who would say you can't get a real experience by watching scripted television and for the most part I agree. However, short of jumping on a plane to Afghanistan in the middle of a global pandemic, it's what I have to work with.

I'm curious, what is the most interesting or difficult thing you have ever researched and what method(s) did you use? Was it effective? What would you change for the next time?

Adapting

This is the time in the day I would normally be doing one of two things. I would either be finishing breakfast and taking care of a few household chores before getting dressed and heading for work, or I would be halfway through a class at the gym and would then shower and change before going off to the day job. Either way it would result in me walking through the back doors of the casino prepared to play cards for eight hours with my regulars and teach a few tourists along the way.

I love my job. I know many who say they enjoy elements of their job but I love the entire thing. Yes there are players and bosses, coworkers and outside vendors that occasionally drive me crazy but overall I wouldn't trade what I do for almost anything. Not only do I get to laugh and talk with my players, I teach other dealers, and get to be part of a team at a company I admire. Then, of course, there is the bonus of being able to get inspiration for two different series of my books and have the time, while no one is feeling chatty, to sit and let the characters talk to me. Many of my fellow casino dealers have jokingly told me one day I will find that bestseller list and can quit. What they don't understand is I wouldn't leave, that place not only brings me joy but is a treasure trove of inspiration.

Today I am unable to head to the casino so I am sitting in my home office. I have my coffee sitting next to me, a notebook open with a pencil poised to work on notes / research / outlines but nothing is coming. I plan to get a decent amount of writing and I know that it is always the same for me. When I first sit down it is a struggle. I know the story in broad strokes but the elements of the story from line to line I discover the same way my readers do. It unfolds as I type and I am on the journey with the characters, I just happen to know where the final destination lays.

I am used to packing up my computer bag and heading to a coffee shop where I can get comfy for hours and push past that initial struggle to jump start the words and getting a solid word count on my days off. Now everyday is, in a way, a day off. With the current closing of all non-essential businesses I am writing in a space I have rarely bothered to commit words to paper, my home office. I spent a few days getting it in shape and now I am doing my best to make it work.

There are pros and cons to adapting. I am not stopping for coffee in the morning, granted I get coffee at 7-eleven not Starbucks, but it saves money nonetheless. My Keurig is getting a workout but in all honesty I like the coffee better anyway. I am home and getting things done around the house which is great to be accomplishing things but I am still struggling with the anxiety that comes from lack of socializing and with pushing to get my writing done.

My hope has been to create a pattern I can continue when the house arrest is over and I can return to my day job but will also be able to keep making progress on writing. Because I tend to take on just enough projects to get overwhelmed I find I struggle with completing any one thing in a timely manner. Hopefully this time of adapting and reflection can change that.

Trying Too Hard

Like most of the country (and many places around the world) my beautiful Las Vegas is on lockdown. Yes I can go for a hike, run or bike ride. I still make periodic trips to the grocery store, but I can' have coffee with a friend at a local coffee shop and for reasons of keeping exposure low I shouldn't even be having coffee at my house or theirs. As a super social person, both from a natural one to be around people as well as an anxiety driven need to not be alone, this is driving me crazy.

It has, however, given me time to reflect on myself some and there are things I am both proud of and irritated by that I have since discovered. One of the biggest understandings I have come to about myself is I tend to overthink and try too hard the it comes to many situations. Yes there are a number of people who cold say that but I am concerns with addressing these issues in myself at the moment. Perhaps if I find a path forward then I can discuss my methods with others dealing with the same types of issues. If not, then at least I was able to make some positive changes in myself.

When it comes to how I had this realization there are a number of things that came to mind first. I am overly ambitious. When I take on a project it is usually something that makes people look at me like I've lost my mind. They aren't always wrong. Because of that there is always a very real possibility I will fall on my face. However, to quote so many of the players on my table at work, go big or go home. When I took on my first distance bike ride I didn't sign up for the 17 mile ride which would have been the shortest distance, I took on the 60 (which later got rerouted to 72) mile ride and nearly killed myself. I trained but not enough and had no idea what I was doing. My clothes, supplements, water, everything was lacking. But I found out the camaraderie of the riders was unparalleled and they helped me finish what I started that day.

When I say I want to lose a little weight I don't set my sights on just dropping 5-10 pounds, I instead set my sights on doing a boudoir photo shoot within 6 months and begin contacting photographers and looking into poses / makeup / clothing I will need to acquire for such a shoot.

This is where my overthinking and trying too hard comes in. I am a natural flirt. It is part of my job as a dealer and something I have no problem doing. Yet, when faced with the idea of trying to be sexy for the camera, I freeze. I think, can someone learn to be sexy? I wonder, are there classes I can take? I look at myself in the mirror and all of my personal insecurities come screaming to the forefront.

I do the same thing with writing. I try so hard to have a public image that is "right". I stress about the idea of going live on Facebook, even though everyone knows I have no problem talking someone's ear off. I feel like I don't have anything entertaining to say and nobody would bother watching anyway. I spent years believing I was nothing unless a certain person gave me approval. There is a part of me that still fights his voice everyday and wants to prove him wrong.

I am closing in on 40 years old and a lot of the things I want to do I am far above the generally accepted age to begin, or even end, but I am at the point where I feel it is better to put myself out there and at least try. I just need to swallow my fears, tell that stupid voice to shut the hell up and trust that who I am and what I am truly is enough. If I want to do a sexy photo shoot, I should and just enjoy the experience. If I want to do distance cycling I should start pedaling and see how far I can go. When I write I need to stay true to my voice and believe I have a message that will resonate with someone out there. If I want to go live I should be happy even if it ends up being nothing more than a couple friends keeping me company. I have always been guilty of overthinking and I am using this time to work on that and try to just be proud of who I am.

How are you dealing with the house arrest? Have you had any epiphanies?