Today for the second time I found myself in a situation where my anxiety level was overwhelming yet I was able to find relief in writing. The first I have discussed in the past, Survivor. I fought with the symptoms of my PTSD for years having periodic breakdowns and even driving away my husband at the time because I was not prepared to face what had happened. I began writing a book, Sharing Strength, about people that deal with those same symptoms and ended up telling my story of the damaging relationship I went through as a teenager.
Survivor was hands down the most painful thing I have ever written. I talked with a therapist and had to be medicated while writing it because opening up about my past felt nearly impossible. Once I started however, the words began to flow. They flooded out of me in an endless stream until I was completely drained physically, emotionally and professionally. I suffered a massive breakdown upon initial completion but as time has gone on I have found my voice and begun speaking on the subject of my experiences. Writing helped me get through that and today I have found solace in the creative world once again.
Today was more of a physical fear. I am terrified of motorcycles and being on one or even in the vicinity normally requires a good amount of medication. Because of the sinus infection I have been fighting and the meds that go along with that battle I was unable to take my anti-anxiety pills tis morning. I had, however, agreed to go on a trip from my home in Las Vegas to a meeting in Yermo, California approximately two hours away. I badly wanted to renege on that plan but I am a person that keeps their word so I had no choice but to suck it up and find a way to get through it.
As the ride started I sat on the back seat of the bike and held on with shaking hands, praying that I made it without having a breakdown. After ten minutes or so of deep breathing and focusing so hard I was getting a headache I decided to try thinking about a scene in one of my books. I thought about advice an agent had given me and slowly began to rewrite the part he had suggested I change. In my head I completely revised the scene. I was so caught up that we pulled in to the first stop without me realizing we were still on the road. I spent the rest the trip losing myself in thoughts of my books and my author events I plan and attend.
I am thrilled with the way the revised scene turned out and have already rewritten it so I could see how it would look. I have a number of ideas for the next event I am going to be a part of in 2018. Monday I will be meeting with my event planning partner and I cannot wait to share the ideas that helped get me through the ride today. I know most people would not consider the two situations to be the same but for me they were equally terrifying. They were also equally conquered but my greatest passion, writing.
No comments:
Post a Comment