Something Different

Recently I have been focusing on work and trying to catch up on my writing but today I have thought about very little other than relationships and plans we make for the future. I have been married twice in my past both ending in the same way. The divorces were friendly and efficient causing no alarm or stress other than the expected heartbreak for the loss of my marriage.

I grew up thinking that what I really wanted was all the things society told me I should want. I needed a house and a nice car and a husband that could provide for me. I should be a good house wife and while I work my job I also needed to clean and cook and take care of him. We were meant to build a life together and settle down. 

I attempted to do it. I married a man that wanted nothing more than to settle down and create a life together. We bought a house and made plans to continue accumulating all of the possessions that are supposed to make up a life. We attended family functions and went on a couple small vacations. It was the life that we were supposed to have but it lacked love and passion. It was completely dry.

Then I met a man that was full of the passion I had been missing. He was spontaneous and caring, adventurous and funny. He was intelligent and most of all he loved me. We traveled and talked about moving to a new city, something I had always wanted to do. We felt like we could talk to each other about anything. Our wedding was unique and he spoiled me rotten. Unfortunately I had several traumatic events I was dealing with and was completely incapable of being the wife he deserved.

After we separated I moved from BFE Michigan to Las Vegas Nevada in an effort to find myself. I have come a long way and have made some wonderful friends, landed a job I love and begun working on accomplishing my dreams. I am very proud of the things I have done but it also got me thinking about what I am looking for the future. 

I have come to the conclusion that while I believe in marriage I do not need it. I have thought about the desire people have to settle down but to me it feels like settling. I do not want to be content and just make my way through day after day. I want adventure and pursuit of happiness not complacency. A partner for these explorations of life would be awesome but it is not a requirement. I could be perfectly happy doing these things myself. 

I know it isn't writing related but it definitely places a role in the things I write, especially in the love scenes. I write about people that are there for each other and care for one another but mostly they are partners not a dominant and submissive. For me that is the most important part. Having someone that accepts you and doesn't expect you to live up to their standards but instead understands that everyone handles things in their own way. I hope that one day I have that partner.