Making Decisions

I have been working hard on my writing for Nanowrimo. With working two jobs and trying to make time for family and friends it has been difficult and I have fallen behind. I am still quite focused on accomplishing the word count goal of fifty thousand words by the end of the month and am doing my best to catch up some here and there though it can be frustrating.

Unfortunately aside from work schedules I have had to take care of another pressing topic recently, my health. Working three to four double shifts per week can be very taxing.  For someone with numerous health issues like myself it can be downright debilitating. I am exhausted all of the time. I struggle to sleep, to wake up and to concentrate on any task big or small. I find myself getting stressed out to the point of panic attacks and have even made a trip to the hospital because of it.

This stress has taken a large toll on writing. I have not been able to concentrate on the story. I find myself dozing off even though I am behind and desperate to catch up. I get lost when I sit down to read what I have so far in order to pick back up. My mind wanders in search of rest and relaxation but it never finds what it wants. Even on days off I have pushed myself so far that I am unable to unwind enough to focus.

Then there is the physical. I am a table games dealer. I stand for to full eight hour shifts the majority of the week. Yes I do get several breaks and that helps but I have previous injuries to my knees, back and neck that are definitely feeling the strain. I have been able to fight through this for quite awhile but it has gotten to the point that my lackluster health is threatening my continued employment.

I have unfortunately had to leave early or call in sick so often at my second job that I am at risk of losing the job all together. At the same time I am mere months from paying off the bills that require me to have the position in the first place. I am torn about whether I so sacrifice getting ahead financially in order to improve my health or sacrifice wellness to pay off some bills.

All of this weighs on me as I sit at my desk to write. I find the need to make decisions becomes a pressing concern in m stories now because my personal life is so wrapped up in them. I have to choose the right path for health and financial wellbeing. I need to concentrate on my characters and I need to make sure that my priorities outside of my job are in order as well. It becomes increasingly difficult to accomplish everything I have set out to do when I set such ambitious goals but sometimes things need to be cut and I am still learning at the age of thirty one just how to make those choices.