Overwhelming Life

I work two jobs. I know many people that do and I am not claiming to be special in any way when it comes to this fact. I am a table games dealer at two different casinos in Las Vegas and I know it isn't modest to say it, but I am very good at what I do. I draw people in to play the game. I engage with them to make sure they have a good time win of lose, and I make tips for the dealers. It is a win, win, win. I am also getting burnt out. Two jobs, two shifts, never knowing what day it is or where I am supposed to be is weighing on me. I am getting sick from lack of sleep and depressed from never being able to participate in things that are important to me because I have to work.

I haven't been able to work out for weeks. Yes I have time such as right now but I have to choose between accomplishing something or getting a workout in. On top of that I am fighting an illness so I am weak and exhausted. I can't sleep during the day and I toss and turn at night. It is a never ending concern. The worst part though is how much it affects the thing I care about doing most, writing. I haven't published a blog post for almost a month. I withdrew from Nanowrimo for the first time ever, and I can't even find a way to get excited about moving forward with my projects. I am practically ready to quit.

In theory the two jobs are temporary. I am only working the second one until I get full time at the first or I can pay off my bills. The problem is there are always more bills. I have been waiting for the next round of full time promotions for over a year and they still haven't come. Even if and when they do there is no guarantee I will be able to accept and keep the only shift that works for me. This would mean a much longer issue with my schedule and writing in general.

I have since decided to try and leave one of my jobs if I can get a freelance writing gig to make up the difference. Once again I am struggling though because on top of being new to the Freelance world and therefore having to go through an understandable learning curve, I have to do so while fighting the previously mentioned lack of sleep and time. I am officially at the point where something has got to give or it will end up being me who gives up entirely.