Finding My Path

Today is October 14th and that means I have only seventeen days left until the beginning of Nanowrimo. In the past I have either had a story idea well in advance or I have absolutely no idea before November 1st and have to scramble for something to work on a week into the month. This year I am in a quandary of having several ideas that are all speaking to me simultaneously. I thought that I would try outlining them to find the ones that had more details and perhaps that would wake up the characters from one story more than the others.

I began with eight projects that needed outlining. I have managed to narrow that down slightly by only having full outlines for six of them. From there I ran into a problem. While writing the outlines I discovered information to flesh out the bare bones outlines I had originally created and doing so woke up all of the characters causing chaotic conversations in my head. I am still working to sort them out. 

My goal for 2016 was to complete the first draft of Sharing Strength, which I recently did, the first draft of Chocolate Covered Cherries that is currently in progress along with winning Nano again. With dedication I have no doubt I can complete them but I need to make sure that I pick a book to write for November and that is where I am stuck. My friends that I adore as well as admire tell me to pick the three speaking the loudest and write them all. That is not a option for me as I have a full time job, family obligations and a charity bike ride during the month as well. I will complete something I am just not sure which book it will be.

After I started reading On Writing by Stephen King I have become motivated to take on as many projects as possible. I believe in my writing though I know I am far from his or any professional author's abilities. I am learning. I read, I practice and most of all I keep writing. It is my hope that with every project I am getting better so with any luck this year's Nano novel will be my best yet. Now if I can just figure out which book it is going to be.

Motivated By The Masters

I am reading On Writing by Stephen King. I have only managed to make it through the first section which is just various recounting of his youth and how he got started in the writing business. It was within these for hundred pages or so that I found myself motivated to take the leap I have been balancing on the edge of for some time.

He talks about sending off short stories and getting rejection letters but instead of finding depression he used it to spur him on. He put up a nail in his wall to hang the letters on and when there were too many for the small nail he switched to a larger spike. He writes about his lack of knowledge about the industry as a whole, he didn't have an agent, he had no idea how to negotiate and his first advance was only 2,500. While I would personally give almost anything to have an advance like that, purely to say I had gotten an advance, it was very small but he was clueless to that fact.

He goes on to share that he had nearly given up on a story that would become one of his best known works because it was difficult. He did not feel connected to the character and found the setting so foreign he had trouble navigating his own book. It was because of the love and support of his wife that he finished the project and continued to pursue his dream. She always believed in him and has helped make a home that allows him to not only be the prolific writer he is today but also the family man he loves to be as well.

He shared that the support Tabitha showed him went beyond writing and being the mother of his children as she staged an intervention when he became addicted to drugs and alcohol. He admits his own issues and says that he believes there is no such thing as a need for artists to engage in these behaviors. It is a myth that they help or enhance anything. Those in the arts may be more prone to using such substances but they are not necessary.

As someone that has struggled with different addictions, drugs, alcohol and in my case the ever present and calling food addiction, it is powerful to see someone I look up to so much admit they have fought the battle as well. Stephen King is a dedicated writer. He pushes out several projects each year and is always elbow deep in the next one between writing, edits and rewrites and making sure to have time for his family. I struggle to find the balance especially since I want to dedicate time like a full time author but I have another full time day job. I have a fire lit within me and reading his words has stoked the flames. I am looking forward to the next level of my writing career. Thank you Mr. King.

Raising Awareness

Last October I released my book Survivor. I held a launch party in a donated ballroom at the casino where I work my day job. There were prizes donated for a raffle and a cake designed by Carlos Bakery from the owner of Cake Boss. It was not as large of an event as I had initially imagined but it got some media attention along with bringing in people to donate and learn about one of the domestic violence shelters here in Las Vegas.

The main character of Survivor, Jasmine Byers, was originally written as part of a book called Sharing Strength which after two and a half years was finally completed earlier this month. I began Sharing Strength after watching a show that said almost factually, at least from their point of view, that PTSD only effects those in the military. As someone that has been diagnosed with PTSD for over a decade but has never served a day in the military, I felt it was important to give examples and backstories of characters that suffer from the disorder with and without military experience.

My writing in mostly for me. I create stories that show my passions for dance, my love of suspense and my fondness for drama but just like my charity driven series Rescue Me, sometimes I want to help raise awareness for causes near to my heart. Survivor is one such story, demonstrating how important it is to see the signs and help those struggling through their battles with domestic violence.

Making Choices

We make choices everyday in life. What to wear, meals, if we are going to write or slack off, all choices. Sometimes the decisions are more difficult. When you have grown accustomed to a particular situation and it becomes necessary to question if you should remain then emotions become entangled in the choice.

I have always been one to talk out my feelings. I share what I am thinking whether people around me care or not because venting what is happening in my head helps me clear my thoughts. The problem is when those feelings and considerations involve other people I have to be careful who I confide in. I have recently taken to just talking out loud to the empty room in order to vent any frustrations I have. Sadly it isn;t working as well as I had hoped.

So I come to my next suggestion people have given me. When making a decision that is difficult I should make a list of pros and cons for whatever way I am leaning. This again becomes frustrating because my reasons are both logical and emotional. Which side is more important to rely on? My head may come up with some very compelling reasons for doing or not doing things but I have always been one to follow my heart.

When it comes to writing I pursue both sides. For one thing it makes for much more realistic characters, at least I hope it does. To see the inner struggle between the rational and irrational makes for a more compelling story and to me makes the characters more relatable. In my real life sometimes you just have to flip a coin and hope the end result is worth it.

My characters speak to me. They ask advice and sometimes question my decisions but there are days I wish our roles were reversed. I wish I could look ahead a few chapters to see how things work out and if needed go back and edit the choices I have made. Real life is not a book but I think as writers we have a unique ability to fix things, if only on the pages we write. My book Survivor was a strong example. Things may not have gone exactly as I wrote them, it is a fictionalized version after all, but at least after half my life I was able to give one version of me the closure I have always wanted.

Excerpt From Sharing Strength

Both men shifted in their seats looking at one another. They obviously didn’t want to tell her, which just made her more anxious to know. “Jasmine look,” Dr. Kurtsman began. “Kyle is in a very sensitive state right now. He needs time to process what has happened. I think it is best if we all just give him a little space.”

“Where is he Dr. Kurtsman? He should be surrounded by the people that care about him not left alone to feel abandoned.” She crossed her arms defiantly over her chest. “Please tell me where he is so I can go and talk to him. He was so good to stay with me and I want him to now I am here for him, that we all are.”

“Jasmine my dear I think we all need to get some sleep and we can talk about this more later one. How about that, hmm?” Before she could reply he stood and grabbed his cane. He limped from the room without looking back. Craig stayed a moment longer giving her an apologetic look before following him out into the hall. When Craig opened the door Jasmine caught a small snippet of conversation. “Yes doctor he is in room five seventeen. He is still sedated but you are welcome to go check in on him.”

Kyle was there in the hospital. The realization hit Jasmine like a punch to the stomach. Why had Craig and Dr. Kurtsman kept that from her? She was a part of the group and he was a member that was hurting, she had every right to be there to help support him. Anger rushed through her, followed swiftly by confusion. She felt like she was being pushed out. She needed them and thought they understood that but somehow it seemed they had decided to turn their backs on her. Hot tears stung her eyes as she fought the despair inside. She knew something was going on and she was determined to find out what it was before they removed her completely.

Growing With Experience

I saw a post earlier on Facebook put up by KM Weiland that said "Only a true author will realize the sheer terror of the slight pause that follows the words: 'So I just read your book...'". Just seeing those words mad emu stomach flipflop. It is true. Very little can prepare you for what may come next. That little breath between the announcement and the following opinion lasts a lifetime for person waiting to hear the verdict.

When we submit to agents or publishers we are prepared for the potential rejection, at least we should be. When we prepare for publishing and send the manuscript out to beta readers we know that there is a decent chance they will find typos or editing errors we need to correct. After all that is what they are there for, catch editing mistakes and plot holes so we may fix them before they go off to our official editor. No matter what we know they will have comments. That moment of panic comes from someone that has read the book after it is published and any control if out of our hands.

I am about to release my fourth book, second in my charity series, as well as working on the beta reading  / editing stage for a couple others but it never gets easier to hear those words. There is the elation of knowing someone was interested in your work, mixed simultaneously with the full body, heart stopping dread of the possibility that they hated it. Regardless of the decision we must respect their opinion.

That is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to learn. A review is an opinion, nothing more. Some will like what you do and some will not. A bad review is not the end of the world though it can certainly feel that way at the beginning. The burning slap to the face takes some time to heal but by taking it in, objectively looking for any constructive criticism that may help you going forward and then moving on you can thicken your skin and use the experience to more deeply appreciate the good reviews.

There will always be those moments when you hear the words, "So I just read your book..." and the world will stop until you hear what follows. That is going to happen as long as you continue to put out your work for the public to read. With each book we grow and with every day of practice we improve. Take the negative as a way to boost that growth and celebrate the accomplishments and positivity. We write because we love it, it is a part of us. Let it all in and hold on to the joy that comes with the experience.

Investing In Yourself

Many first time authors have a hopeful optimism about several aspects of the writing process as well as the next step, the world of publishing. The first is how easy it will be to write the book itself. Once that bubble has popped there comes the illusion that it will be a relatively simple task to find someone that loves your book and wants to publish it (after all your mom probably said it was great).  Sadly our mom's, or whoever your personal cheerleader is, are not the ones handing out publishing contracts. If you have stuck with the program long enough to reach the next stop in the journey, selling.

If you managed to get an agent and / or publisher, congratulations. For those that either got discouraged from rejection letters piling up or you chose to go the self publishing route from the beginning you have now decided that you will just create your book on your own. Then there comes the time for working with an editor, a cover artist and, if you are computer illiterate for the most part like me, someone to help format the book so all you have to do is upload a file. Whether you did it yourself or with a team your created book will soon be on its way to you so it can be sold to all your waiting readers. That is the real easy part, right?

If you are a celebrity of some kind or have some expertise in a particular subject that also includes your book then sales may initially be easy to achieve however it can come as a horrible surprise just how difficult it is for a no name, self published author to reach any level of success. Attending events and selling online are great but at the beginning it may seem impossible to build up a fan base or find readers to come see you at your table. You may not want to but chances are that mentally you are tracking every sale. It is exhilarating to sign your work but when someone picks up the book, scans the cover and then walks off to look at something else instead it can immediately break your heart.

When a signing ends and you count up the money you have made, assuming it is more than what you invented to be a part of that particular event, it can be tempting to turn around and go blow it on a celebration dinner, a new program for your computer or something else fun it is a better idea to set that money aside to reinvest in that editor, cover artist or some other cost involved with publishing that next project. We are always looking for that book that may put us on the map. Until such time it is important to know that we are a small business and money made by that business should be used to help further any endeavors that you may desire as that business entity.