Getting Involved

When I was a child I loved to write. As an adult it a passion that has not faded but instead grown into a burning flame approaching bonfire status. I have simply enjoyed telling stories and taking my readers or even those listening if I shared aloud on a journey that came from my imagination. 

After awhile I noticed that many of the short stories I came up with had resemblances to the previous ones and that my lack of life experience was hindrance to my story telling. I began traveling more, studying different cultures and meeting as many people as I could. I talked at length with people others may have found unappealing such as the homeless and worked to overcome language barriers so that I could learn about those around me and the world as they saw it.

Traveling has become a secondary obsession for me and goes hand in hand with my writing. I am currently looking at doing a book for each of the places I have explored and doing my best to incorporate all of the things I have tried, surfing, skydiving, snorkeling, ultra light piloting, and so many others. I love being outside and it is my goal to bring those elements into my stories.

I also have been doing my best to be hands on with the promotion of the writing work I create. I enjoy the live events like signings and interviews. Again it is an opportunity to talk to people as well as be able to interact with those that have found some value in my work. It is important for me to find out who I am reaching as an audience and what draws them in so I can continue to grow my readership base.

I find that partnering with other authors and artists can also create a wonderful ross promotion opportunity while also affording myself the chance to meet new and interesting people. Sometimes those people bring heartbreaking stories while others bring with them a sense of inspiration and new connections for me as an author. It is a matter of making sure I let my supporters know how much they matter to me and to genuinely be interested in what they have to say as well.

I even do my best to make sure I am involved in the worlds I write about. My debut novel was about dancing and I was very active as a dancer for years. I have a tried to help out at animal adoption and awareness events including the rescue of several animals of my own. The current ones being what I call the Crazy Cat Lady Starter Kit. How do you get involved in your writing worlds?

Reasons Behind Sharing Strength

Last night I got a spark of inspiration and was able to write, Most importantly I was able to write through the first major conflict in Sharing Strength. There are still a number of issues to address in the book but I have been t a tremendous standstill on this first one. Because there is an aspect of parts of my life woven into the fabric of each of these characters I know their pain and I also am weighed down with the guilt of putting them through these frustrating situations.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a complicated thing to be diagnosed with. I have been doing my best to understand it for nearly a decade and while I pushed it to the back of my mind for years afraid it made me weak or less than others around me I have come to see it not as something I need to hide from nor coward behind but rather it is simply a part of me that I handle as best I can.

It does not make me weak. I have known many with the disorder that feel like I did, that it lessens them in the eyes of those around them. If anyone truly looks down on someone with PTSD then they do not fully comprehend what it is that the afflicted person is dealing with. It is not a disease it is a psychological reaction to a traumatic event or series of events. In my case it began when I was in my early teens and continued until my early twenties through a number of actions and my responses to them.

Like any person coping with PTSD I did not ask for this and I did not cause it. So many people will say that a person brought it on themselves but I promise you from the bottom of my heart no one would choose to have these complications. The nightmares and flashbacks, the uncontrollable panic attacks, knowing logically that the person or situation that hurt you is not there but being unable to calm yourself down. The constant stress in your life and the honest belief that you did this to yourself and that something must be wrong with you because you cannot simply get over it like those around you seem to be able to do.

No one has the right to tell you how to feel but when you suffer from PTSD they try. There are also those that believe it is only something that affects the military. This is completely untrue. Yes there are a significant number of cases in active and veteran military members. The combat situations they endure are extreme and it is understandable why so many deal with psychological demons after they return home. It is not their fault just like anyone else dealing with the diagnosis.

There are so many other ways to get it though and that is why this book is so important to me. It showcases characters that have gone through a large spectrum of situations that have all led to therapy and the PTSD support group. They all deal with their own nightmare scenarios, their personal coping mechanisms and of course try to interact with each other. The book demonstrates not only the different aspects of how they came to be there but also the importance of having the support they need.

I am fortunate that I was able to get help and learn some ways to handle it when my anxiety takes over. I have an incredible support network and I am thankful beyond words for that. But even with my help and support I still have extremely bad days. It is my goal to publish this book and get the word out about what those like me are dealing with and to let them know that they are not alone. We need to stand as one until each and every person suffering has a place to feel safe and happy.

Love of Animals

As I am writing my novel focusing on PTSD I am also working hard on the next volumes for my charity series Rescue Me. They are anthologies full of animal stories, poems and dedications. I began this project last year after becoming friends with a very inspiring woman who had created an charity anthology of her own all about music called Rock & Roll Saved My Soul.

With the help of Kate I was able to publish Volume 1 in November. It went over well and I am thrilled that I am able to donate all proceeds to a very worthy organization War Dogs Making It Home located in Chicago, IL. They take rescue dogs and train them to be service dogs for veterans wit PTSD and TBI, obviously a cause close to my heart.

I have four feline friends of my own that are all rescues and the will be featured in the cat edition benefiting The Cat Network. I have also grown up with dogs, cats, fish and even rodents. I have loved all of my animals and as I have gotten older I have tried to become more involved with local rescues and shelters.

I am currently looking for submissions for the next four editions. There is a deadline but I am willing to extend it if I get people interested that aren't able to make the current one in order to make sure everyone is included. The volumes accepting submissions are:
Feline - Purrfect Companions, benefiting The Cat Network
Canine - Man's Best Friend, benefiting National Mill Dog Foundation
Volume 2 - More Stories of Hope, National Search Dog Foundation
Senior / Special Needs - Against All Odds, benefiting Leave No Paws Behind

The picture shown at the top of this post is from a rescue pet store I checked out while backpacking in Japan. Even internationally I am drawn to anything that has to do with animals. I will admit that I looked into the possibility of doing an international adoption to bring her home with me but it wasn't feasible. I did follow up though and I was able to confirm that she was adopted just two days later.

My animals are my companions, my comfort and my daily inspiration. I cannot wait to see the stories that people submit and to bring awareness for all of these deserving organizations. Please feel free to contact me either here or on Facebook. I can be reached either on my author page Renee Jean or on the page for the series Rescue Me - Animal Anthology.

Character Profile - Rachel from Sharing Strength

I have taken some time off from my writing endeavors recently. Every year that I have participated in Nanowrimo I have proudly completed the novel claiming the winner certificate, yet immediately following this high I go through a phase where I struggle to focus on anything else. I want to edit and rewrite the completed book but I am still so close to the project I know I need time to gain some objectivity. Therefore I end up in a lull where the characters from the last book are still talking and the new ones are being drowned out.

In the case of Sharing Strength there are also additional reasons I have struggled to get back into the story. For the first time as I was writing a book I found myself jumping around to different scenes instead of writing straight through from beginning to end. As a result of this jumping around I now find myself filling in the gaps as I link the pieces previously written.

Some of the characters have a much more difficult time dealing with their situations and Rachel is one of them. Once she was a state ranked swimmer planning to attend a christian college on a scholarship for the sport. She was offered scholarships from several universities but being from a highly religious family it was never presented as an option that she would go to a public college. 

She always made sure to be the responsible one among her friends, never dabbled in drugs or took a drink. She was the model daughter, student and friend. It was because of this sense of responsibility that she found herself in a terrible situation one night. It was well known what a good girl she was and there were several theories that deep down she had a rebellious side dying to escape. She was however genuinely a good girl and naive to a fault.

She was at a party with some friends when a boy she barely knew asked for a ride home. He had come with friends but they were all drunk and couldn't drive, he himself appeared to be quite intoxicated so she agreed in order to keep him from attempting to get home in some unsafe manner. He insisted on giving her gas money even when she said it wasn't necessary and invited her in to grab the cash.

Once she was inside though he overpowered her and forced her down to his bedroom. She fought but he was stronger and ended getting exactly what he wanted. He held her down on the floor and she cried the entire time lit by the glow of the fish tank he had along on wall of his room. She ran out as soon as he released her and went straight home intent on calling the police and telling her parents what happened. But by the time she arrived it was after midnight and she was so ashamed she just wanted to hide away. 

She faked being sick to stay home from school on Monday hiding in her room but when her best friend came over to drop off her homework she told her parents all about the rumors going around school that she had hooked up with the boy from the party. Appalled her parents chastised her refusing to give her a chance to explain her side. Returning to school she was ridiculed, called names and constantly harassed. The only help she found was in the support group and Jasmine was the only person she believed she could open up to causing them to become very close.

As I write this story I am currently at a scene that bonds the two girls and cements their friendship. It is very difficult though as I am put into a situation where I have to relive my own personal trauma as well as make her go through it again. I have to play both roles of the girl hurting and the one attempting to step up on her behalf.

I wonder do any of my other writer friends find themselves in conflicting roles like this when creating scenes?

Dedicated to Sharing Strength

A few days ago I posted a short excerpt from Sharing Strength. It is a book I have been working on sporadically over the last eight months or so. It is a very special project for me and one I feel extremely close to, however that becomes not only the driving force to finish it but also the thing that pulls me away.

This story follows a tiny support group for people suffering from PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This diagnosis can be devastating because there is no cure for PTSD, you can cope but you cannot be cured. I know, I received the diagnosis myself almost ten years ago. It is something I have lived with but it wasn't until recently that I became more involved with the world especially the part containing others like me.

I look back at some of my behaviors over several years. The reactions I had to people and situations, the constant fear I felt, right down to the nightmares and lack of sleep, it is all easily traced back to what I had experiences and what my frustrations trying to deal with the symptoms. I was flailing in a sea of emotions but the most difficult part was that I wasn't even aware that I was there. I thought I was standing firmly on the ground even when I was drowning.

Two of the characters in Sharing Strength are based in one way or another on me and my experiences. Because of this I struggle to write what they have been through as it forces me to relive my own trauma. At the same time I am more dedicated to making sure that I get it right as much as possible because I feel like I owe them the world. Like most writers I feel these characters are real and that causes guilt for what I have put them through.

Rachel and Jasmine are strong people doing everything they can in order to handle what life throws at them and even though they are extremely different women they form a bond that inspires me every day. I am dedicated to completing the first draft of this project by my birthday at the end of February and will be looking for beta readers. Mostly though I am looking to make sure I give each of these characters the chance to be the message to others out there like them that they are not alone.

Excerpt from Sharing Strength

He had completely forgotten that was why she called. “Are you sure you want to be in a support group? I think it might be better for you to do therapy one on one for a while.”

“How much do you charge?”

“I work with insurance so I am sure it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“I am on my parent’s insurance. They would never let me go to therapy for something they think I caused.”

He was dumbfounded. How could anyone turn their back on their child like that? He didn’t even know her name but he could tell that her frustration and fear was real. “Well if you think it is what you want to do I am setting up a group to be led by my friend Dr. James Kurtsman. I can add you to the list and he will get in touch with you about a time for the first meeting.”

“Yes please.”

“Can I ask your name?”

“Rachel.”

He got her contact information promising that Dr. Kurtsman would be in touch soon. She sniffled a thank you before hanging up. He sat down heavily opening his computer. He stared at the screen for several minutes subconsciously trying to not tear up himself. He had the breath knocked out of him from that call. Eventually he sent a brief email to his friend informing him that there was going to be one more in the group. He wanted to tell him everything about the phone call be he knew James well. He was kind, intuitive. He would pick up right away just how special this group was.

He was happy Jasmine, the girl from the abusive relationship wouldn’t be left alone in a group of men now though he contemplated how either of these women would fare in a public setting. He closed the computer down again. Picking up his jacket he grabbed the discarded files. He looked around the office as he turned the lights off hoping this support group was the right thing to do.

Personal Time

It seems odd as I have been recovering for over a week now out of work that the subject of taking a break would cross my mind. Yet nevertheless I have been thinking a great deal about vacations and general breaks that we all take in life. I think it is a very important aspect that so often gets overlooked causing us to become bogged down in everyday obsessions and overwhelmed with responsibilities we end up giving higher priority than they deserve.

For two and a half years I have been working two dealing jobs in my wonderful chosen home of Las Vegas. I enjoy what I do immensely and wouldn't trade the position for almost anything in the world. I have been afforded the opportunity to meet many interesting people, learn a skill I will hang on to until I die and work in a field that is honestly easier in many respects that most jobs in what I consider to be the real world.

The original plan started out that it would help make ends meet until I moved from the small local's casino I was employed at to a larger location on the Strip. Once I moved I kept it for the sake of getting ahead on some bills but instead used the additional money to do trips and have some fun money. That was fine though it got me nowhere in the attempt to accomplish my financial goals. As time went on the money waned in that location and the lack of support from the company that employed me led me to part ways in search of something more substantial.

I accepted a position with much better money but extreme hours on the clear opposite side of town. For months I struggled to survive it and my health paid a damaging price. I ended up in a position where again there was a choice to be made. It is that choice that got me looking through some of my old vacation photos today. I have come to realize that the break does not always require a the physical removal of oneself from the current location. It could simply be a state of mind.

I look at these pictures and remember the crisp air and freeing sense I felt in Australia traveling along the Great Ocean Road. That is where I finally began to come out of my shell. I took that step to be more self confident and made friends I knew were getting to know the real me and not just the facade I had always presented. I made mistakes but they accepted me anyway giving me the courage to open up and accept myself.

The second picture is a small shack on a train platform in Shibuya, Japan. I traveled there with my best friend and together with our extremely limited Japanese we traversed a great deal of the country by train, explored a land we knew little about and most importantly tried things, such as the food served here, that scared us.

It is completely possible to have these same experiences in our own backyards. It is also important to make the time to do so. When life holds us down we have to break the chains and just focus on what is needed for us to be happy. We must concede our obligations while still making time for pleasure. I am learning to do this. I made a promise in regard to my second job and to make time to improve my health. I am writing but am making allowances to read more. I work to pay my bills but also work on my house and create a peaceful place to rest.

How do you take everyday breaks and keep life in balance?