Character Profile - Rachel from Sharing Strength

I have taken some time off from my writing endeavors recently. Every year that I have participated in Nanowrimo I have proudly completed the novel claiming the winner certificate, yet immediately following this high I go through a phase where I struggle to focus on anything else. I want to edit and rewrite the completed book but I am still so close to the project I know I need time to gain some objectivity. Therefore I end up in a lull where the characters from the last book are still talking and the new ones are being drowned out.

In the case of Sharing Strength there are also additional reasons I have struggled to get back into the story. For the first time as I was writing a book I found myself jumping around to different scenes instead of writing straight through from beginning to end. As a result of this jumping around I now find myself filling in the gaps as I link the pieces previously written.

Some of the characters have a much more difficult time dealing with their situations and Rachel is one of them. Once she was a state ranked swimmer planning to attend a christian college on a scholarship for the sport. She was offered scholarships from several universities but being from a highly religious family it was never presented as an option that she would go to a public college. 

She always made sure to be the responsible one among her friends, never dabbled in drugs or took a drink. She was the model daughter, student and friend. It was because of this sense of responsibility that she found herself in a terrible situation one night. It was well known what a good girl she was and there were several theories that deep down she had a rebellious side dying to escape. She was however genuinely a good girl and naive to a fault.

She was at a party with some friends when a boy she barely knew asked for a ride home. He had come with friends but they were all drunk and couldn't drive, he himself appeared to be quite intoxicated so she agreed in order to keep him from attempting to get home in some unsafe manner. He insisted on giving her gas money even when she said it wasn't necessary and invited her in to grab the cash.

Once she was inside though he overpowered her and forced her down to his bedroom. She fought but he was stronger and ended getting exactly what he wanted. He held her down on the floor and she cried the entire time lit by the glow of the fish tank he had along on wall of his room. She ran out as soon as he released her and went straight home intent on calling the police and telling her parents what happened. But by the time she arrived it was after midnight and she was so ashamed she just wanted to hide away. 

She faked being sick to stay home from school on Monday hiding in her room but when her best friend came over to drop off her homework she told her parents all about the rumors going around school that she had hooked up with the boy from the party. Appalled her parents chastised her refusing to give her a chance to explain her side. Returning to school she was ridiculed, called names and constantly harassed. The only help she found was in the support group and Jasmine was the only person she believed she could open up to causing them to become very close.

As I write this story I am currently at a scene that bonds the two girls and cements their friendship. It is very difficult though as I am put into a situation where I have to relive my own personal trauma as well as make her go through it again. I have to play both roles of the girl hurting and the one attempting to step up on her behalf.

I wonder do any of my other writer friends find themselves in conflicting roles like this when creating scenes?

Dedicated to Sharing Strength

A few days ago I posted a short excerpt from Sharing Strength. It is a book I have been working on sporadically over the last eight months or so. It is a very special project for me and one I feel extremely close to, however that becomes not only the driving force to finish it but also the thing that pulls me away.

This story follows a tiny support group for people suffering from PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This diagnosis can be devastating because there is no cure for PTSD, you can cope but you cannot be cured. I know, I received the diagnosis myself almost ten years ago. It is something I have lived with but it wasn't until recently that I became more involved with the world especially the part containing others like me.

I look back at some of my behaviors over several years. The reactions I had to people and situations, the constant fear I felt, right down to the nightmares and lack of sleep, it is all easily traced back to what I had experiences and what my frustrations trying to deal with the symptoms. I was flailing in a sea of emotions but the most difficult part was that I wasn't even aware that I was there. I thought I was standing firmly on the ground even when I was drowning.

Two of the characters in Sharing Strength are based in one way or another on me and my experiences. Because of this I struggle to write what they have been through as it forces me to relive my own trauma. At the same time I am more dedicated to making sure that I get it right as much as possible because I feel like I owe them the world. Like most writers I feel these characters are real and that causes guilt for what I have put them through.

Rachel and Jasmine are strong people doing everything they can in order to handle what life throws at them and even though they are extremely different women they form a bond that inspires me every day. I am dedicated to completing the first draft of this project by my birthday at the end of February and will be looking for beta readers. Mostly though I am looking to make sure I give each of these characters the chance to be the message to others out there like them that they are not alone.

Excerpt from Sharing Strength

He had completely forgotten that was why she called. “Are you sure you want to be in a support group? I think it might be better for you to do therapy one on one for a while.”

“How much do you charge?”

“I work with insurance so I am sure it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“I am on my parent’s insurance. They would never let me go to therapy for something they think I caused.”

He was dumbfounded. How could anyone turn their back on their child like that? He didn’t even know her name but he could tell that her frustration and fear was real. “Well if you think it is what you want to do I am setting up a group to be led by my friend Dr. James Kurtsman. I can add you to the list and he will get in touch with you about a time for the first meeting.”

“Yes please.”

“Can I ask your name?”

“Rachel.”

He got her contact information promising that Dr. Kurtsman would be in touch soon. She sniffled a thank you before hanging up. He sat down heavily opening his computer. He stared at the screen for several minutes subconsciously trying to not tear up himself. He had the breath knocked out of him from that call. Eventually he sent a brief email to his friend informing him that there was going to be one more in the group. He wanted to tell him everything about the phone call be he knew James well. He was kind, intuitive. He would pick up right away just how special this group was.

He was happy Jasmine, the girl from the abusive relationship wouldn’t be left alone in a group of men now though he contemplated how either of these women would fare in a public setting. He closed the computer down again. Picking up his jacket he grabbed the discarded files. He looked around the office as he turned the lights off hoping this support group was the right thing to do.

Personal Time

It seems odd as I have been recovering for over a week now out of work that the subject of taking a break would cross my mind. Yet nevertheless I have been thinking a great deal about vacations and general breaks that we all take in life. I think it is a very important aspect that so often gets overlooked causing us to become bogged down in everyday obsessions and overwhelmed with responsibilities we end up giving higher priority than they deserve.

For two and a half years I have been working two dealing jobs in my wonderful chosen home of Las Vegas. I enjoy what I do immensely and wouldn't trade the position for almost anything in the world. I have been afforded the opportunity to meet many interesting people, learn a skill I will hang on to until I die and work in a field that is honestly easier in many respects that most jobs in what I consider to be the real world.

The original plan started out that it would help make ends meet until I moved from the small local's casino I was employed at to a larger location on the Strip. Once I moved I kept it for the sake of getting ahead on some bills but instead used the additional money to do trips and have some fun money. That was fine though it got me nowhere in the attempt to accomplish my financial goals. As time went on the money waned in that location and the lack of support from the company that employed me led me to part ways in search of something more substantial.

I accepted a position with much better money but extreme hours on the clear opposite side of town. For months I struggled to survive it and my health paid a damaging price. I ended up in a position where again there was a choice to be made. It is that choice that got me looking through some of my old vacation photos today. I have come to realize that the break does not always require a the physical removal of oneself from the current location. It could simply be a state of mind.

I look at these pictures and remember the crisp air and freeing sense I felt in Australia traveling along the Great Ocean Road. That is where I finally began to come out of my shell. I took that step to be more self confident and made friends I knew were getting to know the real me and not just the facade I had always presented. I made mistakes but they accepted me anyway giving me the courage to open up and accept myself.

The second picture is a small shack on a train platform in Shibuya, Japan. I traveled there with my best friend and together with our extremely limited Japanese we traversed a great deal of the country by train, explored a land we knew little about and most importantly tried things, such as the food served here, that scared us.

It is completely possible to have these same experiences in our own backyards. It is also important to make the time to do so. When life holds us down we have to break the chains and just focus on what is needed for us to be happy. We must concede our obligations while still making time for pleasure. I am learning to do this. I made a promise in regard to my second job and to make time to improve my health. I am writing but am making allowances to read more. I work to pay my bills but also work on my house and create a peaceful place to rest.

How do you take everyday breaks and keep life in balance?

Creative Approach

I have been posting a lot about my goals recently and while my writing aspirations are at the top of my list of priorities I do have other parts of my life I am attempting to focus on as well. My health and fitness being right up at the top alongside my work. As I have been spending so much time trying to come up with live events and simultaneously working to create a list of runs, bike rides and obstacle course I can attend I am amazed it took me so long to realize I can try to combine the two.

I have been looking for ways to get me name out and handing out business cards and book marks at the athletic competitions and activities I am a part of is an excellent start. I am considering getting something with my name on it made such as a competition jersey or shirt that I can wear to participate and then hand out my cards and book marks as well. Ian also on the hunt for additional marketing materials.

I am working to create an adoption event that I can involve the press in. I want to help animals find loving forever homes while also bringing to light the charity series I created. I am working to put together another possible fundraiser as well that would be in the name of animals but could also bring my name to a larger audience. My concern in doing these events is that I am not connected nor completely sure of what all is needed to make such large scale events happen so I am trying to find those that have been involved in the creation of these types of activities in order to partner with and guide me.

While I am overcoming a severe concussion which has truthfully slowed me training efforts down considerably I am using the time to create a list of exercises, locations and events I can use to condition myself and then cross checking those with ways I can use them to promote. I have learned early on that it is all about being creative and if there is one thing writers need to be it is creative. I have also found that simply talking to other artists can present you with opportunities such as partnering for an event and sharing the costs.

I am looking forward to meeting more people that we can partner and help one another alone with trying new events both physical as well as writing related. I will keep everyone abreast of any ideas I find or ways that I am able to promote so that hopefully I can be of help to others the way people have reached out to lend me a hand. I look forward to long and happy life in this world and I am so happy to have those that are a part of it with me. Please feel free to take any of the ideas I use for promoting as well as share any of your own!

New Event Ideas

Right now I am working hard on coming up with ideas for promotion for my writing work. During 2014 I managed to get my debut novel published and with that came the learning to promo both myself as well as my work. I was told that I should start an author page along with a Twitter page. Both have been created though I am definitely still in the learning process at this point.

I also was informed that I should start a website and a blog. I looked into the website though I was not convinced that I had enough content for a full website. I do plan to eventually get to the website I just want to make sure I research further and have enough content to make it relevant. I did, of course, start the blog though I would consider myself a novice in this aspect as well.

Once I got these steps started I knew I had to find a way to get out in front of people. I set up a small signing at a local bakery that I love. I ordered several copies as well as contacted the local newspaper. I created an event on Facebook though I wasn't sure how to get people interested. I held my first signing and managed to take quite a bit from it. Unfortunately most of what I learned was what I needed to fix for the next time.

I held it on an inopportune day of the week during the middle of the afternoon. Many people were working while I was holding my event and I found out the day I was supposed to hold my signing that the spotlight in the paper had been postponed. I did manage to sell a few copies as well as make some contacts for the future. I had a wonderful time signing the books and meeting people. More than anything it made me realize how much I wanted to do even more events.

I did go on a mini book tour in September back in the Midwest. Over the course of a week I attended four signings and held a bbq at my mom's house in order to meet and catch up with friends and family along with people that were interested in my book. I used what I had learned and was able to create better networking as well as hold my events at far more appropriate times.

Now as 2015 dawns I am looking at doing a number of events. I would love to do more signings as well as an adoption event for Rescue Me. I am also looking for additional events to do and would love any suggestions that people may have so I could look into expanding my horizons. One of the things I am working on most is an author image. So far the picture that has been used for my marketing is this one.

please contact me here or on my Renee Jean author page or twitter @AuthorReneeJean if you have any suggestions for me. I appreciate all ideas and support!

New Year Try

As part of my being more involved with my writing this year resolution I have decided to do my best to post in this blog at least five times per week. I will of course be asking for topics from readers as well as people that follow me on Facebook and Twitter as well as writing things that happen to just dart into my mind on occasion.

Today being the first of the year I am understandably thinking about new beginnings. With the new year always comes the inevitable diets and exercise routines that generally last for six weeks to potentially three months on the outside. People fill their cupboards with healthy snacks and create charts to watch their calorie intake each day. They obsessively download apps and buy books to lose weight, get in shape and just improve health as an overall goal.

I, of course, have my own health, wellness and fitness goals but they tend to be spread out throughout the year. That way I don't start out with the momentum of the new year and then fade as so many others do. I have my food and calorie counter, my trainer designed diet. I have supplements as well as personal equipment such as weights and my bike to help me and then the gym for advance training.

Some of the other exercises I have for my goals however are writing related. I have been dreaming of becoming a successful writer for years but there have always been obstacles in my way. One of the largest for many years was my personal appearance. I look back and think about how silly it is that what I looked like could cause me to hide when all I was doing was creating from the safety of a keyboard.

Yet it did. I would avoid the mirror because I was embarrassed to look at myself and if I couldn't stand the site of me I was sure no one else would want to either. A few posts ago I even included a picture of what I used to look like. That overweight unhappy girl was ashamed of everything, including her writing. I was scared it would never be good enough and even more terrified that it might be accepted and I would have to go out in public and acknowledge it was mine.

Part of my journey has been to make goals that help me realize my self worth. I did finally lose a significant amount of weight. I finished that book as well as my charity anthology and have been a writing machine ever since. I did a number of signings this past year where I was out in public as the face of my work and I stood proudly by it.

I workout to keep myself in a shape I am comfortable being. I even was able to take on a position a few years ago that demonstrated the newly found pride I had in my body, I became a party pit dealer.

This rare selfie was taken in one of the uniforms I wore in that position. The fact that I was able to progress and have the self confidence to do my job in that outfit was huge for me. It is something I look at and tie right back into my writing.

I want to continue to have that sense of accomplishment and so am reaching out more and more to create works that test my limits as well as help me find new avenues I can explore. I have taken on a reading challenge in order to grow as a reader and a writer. I am working on multiple pieces simultaneously and will be submitting many of them throughout the year.

What are you doing with the dawn of this new year?