We make choices everyday in life. What to wear, meals, if we are going to write or slack off, all choices. Sometimes the decisions are more difficult. When you have grown accustomed to a particular situation and it becomes necessary to question if you should remain then emotions become entangled in the choice.
I have always been one to talk out my feelings. I share what I am thinking whether people around me care or not because venting what is happening in my head helps me clear my thoughts. The problem is when those feelings and considerations involve other people I have to be careful who I confide in. I have recently taken to just talking out loud to the empty room in order to vent any frustrations I have. Sadly it isn;t working as well as I had hoped.
So I come to my next suggestion people have given me. When making a decision that is difficult I should make a list of pros and cons for whatever way I am leaning. This again becomes frustrating because my reasons are both logical and emotional. Which side is more important to rely on? My head may come up with some very compelling reasons for doing or not doing things but I have always been one to follow my heart.
When it comes to writing I pursue both sides. For one thing it makes for much more realistic characters, at least I hope it does. To see the inner struggle between the rational and irrational makes for a more compelling story and to me makes the characters more relatable. In my real life sometimes you just have to flip a coin and hope the end result is worth it.
My characters speak to me. They ask advice and sometimes question my decisions but there are days I wish our roles were reversed. I wish I could look ahead a few chapters to see how things work out and if needed go back and edit the choices I have made. Real life is not a book but I think as writers we have a unique ability to fix things, if only on the pages we write. My book Survivor was a strong example. Things may not have gone exactly as I wrote them, it is a fictionalized version after all, but at least after half my life I was able to give one version of me the closure I have always wanted.