Monday, June 6, 2016

Decisions Decisions

I have been struggling for a long time to get myself to write the way that I would like. As I scroll through the different groups I am a part of for writers I notice all of the authors proclaiming their latest victories. I take part in conversations with them about what they plan to day next and while I applaud their concentration and accomplishments I still find myself stalling.

I began writing when I was just a child. A few years ago I made the leap to published author. I am very proud of that. I wrote my book Never Give Up and did my best to thicken my skin before submitting to agents all over the country. Then came the flood of responses. They all said no. I was devastated. I was also clueless about what it really takes to be accepted. Going back through my own editing now I can see immediately some of the reasons I got rejected. It was atrocious. The amount of editing that still needed to be done was a joke. My query letter was less than amateur. All in all I should be happy they even bothered to respond. But it still hurt.

I made the decision then to pursue an Indie publishing option so I could learn. Boy did I learn. I have come a great distance with my editing skills as well as my writing I would like to believe. I have even developed a thicker skin to take criticism yet I find myself lurking in the background of many groups, struggling to get blog posts out, and distracted at every turn from writing and promotions. I put a great deal of work into making the promotions part more fluid for myself yet I have never touched the tools I created. I started a book over two years ago that still has not been finished. It seems that even now as I find how incredible the feeling is to complete a book and allow a new story to begin I am stuck.

I have projects to work on. I have tons of projects to work on. But for some reason I cannot focus. People tell me not to work on finding motivation but instead to just sit down and do it. I have tried. Creating the habit only works if your brain will form the words to put down in paper. If it weren't for this rant about my inability I would be unable to even create a blog post today. And what have I done but taken on a new project in hopes that the pressure and stark contrast to my regular work will be enough to spark something inside me and allow me to move forward. At this point I am just trying to decided how far in over my head I have truly gotten myself. Can I borrow someone's life raft for a bit please?

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