I received an email earlier today that should have sent me over the moon. It did of course make me happy but I find my excitement limited. For numerous reasons anytime I get good news I am immediately consumed with doubt. I get easily distracted and put unrealistic expectations on myself. The frustrating part is that I am aware of what is happening, I can rationalize why it is wrong but I cannot stop the emotions.
I applied and was accepted to be an author and vendor at the 2015 Vegas Valley Book Festival. I will be taking part in a weekend long love affair with writers and readers from across the country. This is a networking, as well as sales, opportunity like I have never had before and I am thrilled to have been accepted into the fold. I opened the email and a smile spread across my face. I promptly called my mom to share the news. Then just as soon as I hung up I began to dread.
What if I don't make a good impression when networking? What if I don't have enough interesting items to accompany my books such as charms, bookmarks, etc.? What if all of the books I want to finish such as the next 4 books for Rescue Me and my short domestic violence story Survivor are not done and released? Will I look completely amateur and like a fool with just 2 books? Will people be drawn to my booth? I drove my self instantly insane.
Now that I have had some time to calm down I am slightly better. I do feel overwhelmed but I know that my ability to get distracted as well as my reservations about certain projects need to be overlooked and pushed past. I have worked hard to get to a point when I can believe in my own success and I need to keep that determination. I must maintain my drive to improve and increase my visibility so that I can continue to learn from more and more successful people in my field. I will always fight the fear and insecurities but with grit and dedication I am certain I can overcome them.
Short post today but sometimes we feel better to see others dealing with similar situations and we can all use a little pep talk.