When I first began writing my book about PTSD, it was more of a private project. I was irritated about a documentary I had watched that basically said if you never served in the military, you couldn't have PTSD. As someone who has never served but was diagnosed when I was twenty two years old, I disagreed whole heartedly. I was shocked and felt completely invisible to those who believe only soldiers and veterans are capable of suffering this particular issue. While I agree they are the largest and best know group to deal with the disorder, they are definitely not the only ones.
I started writing a book within days of finishing the documentary. I thought it was a stand along story but it would turn out to be the fifth book in a series that would take every ounce of strength I had to write. While I was in the process of writing that book, a friend decided she wanted to share her story of surviving domestic violence. She and I had bonded earlier over our shared experiences and she encouraged me to tell my truth as well. I told her I was already basing a character on myself in the current story but she said I should give that character more of a voice and tell the entire tale. It took some convincing but I ultimately agreed to do it.
It took months for me to get through it. I thought I had dealt with the issues, the trauma, but it turned out I had only buried it all. While writing Survivor I was forced to face everything, relive the entire situation all over again. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I worked with a therapist, was put on strong anti-anxiety medications, and required to take breaks from writing because it was so overwhelming. I cried as I wrote and felt the pain in the character, and my heart, all over again. Memories surfaced I had blocked and I suffered a number of panic attacks that threatened to derail any progress I was making. I thought about walking away from the project every single day. But looking back, I'm glad I saw it through.
When I finished the book I sent it to my editor without doing anything further on the manuscript. I was honest, it was in rough shape. I didn't have it in me to go through the pages again. My heart ached just trying to get myself back to some semblance of normal. When the edits were done I worked with my cover artist at the time and got the book ready for publish. Everything was an ordeal because I was teetering on the verge of a breakdown the entire time. I didn't sleep, I barely ate, my mind was scattered, but I pressed on. I launched the book and broke down during a reading but everyone there understood and showed nothing but love and support. I am honored to have been able to help a worthy organization when I launched and am looking forward to doing the same once again with my ride.
If you would like to learn more about Survivor, please check it out on Amazon at the link below.
https://tinyurl.com/2p68jezv
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